Crystallized before me is the call of fragile life or death
A choice to make me right
Or else be as good as dead

Everything was touted as
A chance to start again, a chance to breathe it in, a chance to see

But I’m being blinded by it

I woke myself up this time
To try to expose the lies
And see the truth for the very first time
I kept my voice down low
And my heart far from my sleeve
Forced to feign belief or else be as good as dead

Self proclaimed majestic saints
Say I’m one of them
With the mark on their arms and heads

I haven’t joined in with the chants
Kept my flickering faith far from the flame
The flame that claims to make me see

But I keep getting burned by it

Death by belief
Burn for eternity
How could this have ever made me see

Here’s a young kid fifteen years old
Wearing his family tree on his sleeve
Impressionable but not quite enough
He’s looks an awful lot like me
Reading between all the red lines
He’ll look you in the eye as you tell him how to see
I try to help him bear the weight of the branches and stay alive
But I admit it’s not the life you’re familiar with

Cause I know the weight he carries
Everyday til it buries me
My living breath is a breath of spite

Oh no it’s not the same
Not the way
I can feel the ache you’re longing – for me to break and prove you right
Everyday I feel the weight
Feel the strain
Every eye is on me – waiting for me to break and prove you right
I’m smiling, forced to be spitefully alive

I know you all mean well
Teaching me how to read, how to breathe
But your “words of life” are coming out of both sides of your mouth
I know you’re not trying to be mean
You’re just trying to keep control
Keep me from poking holes, but all the while you’re

Piling up crosses to carry
Everyday til they bury me
My living breath is a spiteful feat

If I live, I live in spite
I live beneath the noses of the men who’s wine I’ve tried, and choked on
If I die, or even if I just die inside
They live with the smugness of men who predicted the tides, congratulations
Am I cynical or am I a savior, am I your enemy or am I your neighbor
My death may be assured, but for now don’t get me wrong

I’m alive, I’m not a lie
I’m alive, I’m not a lie
Come

I let her dance in front of me
Took her by the hand and coaxed her out
Made in the image of me making her my image

Never had a chance to stand her ground
I’m holding hands with her oppressors
Which is just a kinder way of saying I oppress her

I’m not ignorant I know these good intentions pave the road
But I’m trying to change my tone

I’ve tossed and turned, crashed and burned enough times to know
I don’t have much say on who I am
But rather than give it up I’m living on the chance
I might have some say on who I’m becoming

I bit my tongue so many times
I’m spitting blood with every word
Every inch of me is screaming hypocrisy

I picked the safest time to speak
When there’s bodies in the streets
Dead saints that were braver than this coward inside of me

I’m not ignorant I know my silence spoke louder than these words
But I’m trying to change my tone

I double crossed you
I double crossed you
I double crossed you again

I wanna dream like I did before I knew I was dreaming
I wanna breathe like I did before I knew I was alive
Putting words in my hands always turned them into fists
I wanna hear those words again like I did before I had any fear

If I move, I’m moving through
If I wait, I’m not afraid

I wanna hold your hands like I did before we were in love
I wanna touch you like I used to
If this cup in my hand passes through my lips
Or even if it passes me by I know I’m not a lie